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Approaching Neural Self​-​Destruction

by Fafhrd

/
1.
Fuck off Monday, go away to another day, I'm just not ready, I don't wanna get up early, Just five more minutes, Just five minutes more. Fuck off Monday, go away to another day, I'm not ready to put up with this week's trash, why can't you be Friday, just go away and leave me be.
2.
When you walk in the door, not a word gets said, but the look in my eye, tells you all you need. Seize you by the arm, strip you to the flesh, show me what I love, and I'll tie you down. You're gonna be my slave tonight, grab your hair real tight, push your head to the bed, hear you moan and whimper. Tug your head back real quick, massage you with my tongue, but don't worry, cuz I'm not done. I give you all I got... You're gonna be my slave tonight, grab your hair real tight, push your head to the bed, hear you moan and whimper. I give you all I got... I give you all I got, I won't spare you an inch or show any mercy at all. Gimme what you got, Gimme what you got, You're my slave tonight. Gimme what you got, Gimme what you got, You're my slave tonight. Bathed in the dead TV channel blue, We toss and turn in the actions of romances.
3.
4.
Feelin like a scared idiot Feelin like a scared idiot Irrational fears prevent me from being just like everyone else. Were I asked to make a call, I would have to build the courage. Trying to get over the fears, all the what ifs that swim and spin me and interrogate me, total intertia provoking the worst in me. Feeling like a scared idiot. Anxiety ascending. Feeling like a scared idiot. ANxiety ascending. Here I stand, Pockets of people, what do I do? What do I say? I don't know, but what if I say the wrong thing? What if they don't want me there? What do I do? What do I say? And here I stand, away from the people. Feeling like a scared idiot. Anxiety ascending. Feeling like a scared idiot. Anxiety ascending. I don't get out much, even if it's something I want to do. The feeling in the pit of my stomach, the surge of terror, the racing of my heart, the heating up, and panic. Panic. Too many people, Too small a place, too much movement, I need to get out. Feeling like a scared idiot. Anxiety ascending. Feeling like a scared idiot. Anxiety ascending. Feeling like a scared idiot- I want to be like everyone else, I don't want the fears controlling me.
5.
Manipulator 06:56
Here I stand and here I sit, a newfound tennant has found a vacancy in my head. Here I stand and here I sit, the tennant pulls the strings and makes it all go from great to crap at the drop of a hat. He knows what he's doing he knows how miserable I am, and there he sits on that big cushion throne, laughing and cackling as he watches me stumble and crash into a downward spiral. He's cackling, that vicious manipulator, as he pulls the strings and watches me change into something awful. I gotta do something, I want him out right now, he's not doing me any favors. He won't let me do what I desire, no, I gotta bend to his will, he's gotta pull back on the leash and hear me whimper, but enough's enough, it's time for him to go, he's gotta go. Some may suggest I kick down the door and gun him down, but we know that only makes things worse for something so simple. I'll make things more civil, here I come, I've got the negotiator. We can watch him come squirming out of his home, out of my head, and watch me live a better happy life.
6.
7.
Lots of bad shit happening. Where do I begin? We got natives defending their own land, while corporate greed fuels an armed retaliation. I did not sign up for this mistreatment. Our country used to stand for open arms and a land of opportunity, but now the cops won't even turn their backs on corporate greed and instead hose them down in freezing temps. Rubber bullets. Mace. Stinger 'nades. That's the american way. This is bullshit. I can't stand it anymore. I want to burn this fucker to the ground, I can't stand it. Nazis are back calling themselves the alt-right, like that hides the fact that they are absolute dregs preventing any progress. America has been reverted to an unsafe place for anyone that's not white, straight, male, or christian because I guess that's just the american way. Hate is the only language being spoken politically. This is bullshit. I can't stand it anymore. I want to burn this fucker to the ground, I can't stand it. We've halted all progress and told it it's not welcome here. Let's elect a facist regime because that's the american way. What more do I need to say. This is bullshit, I can't stand it anymore. I want to burn this fucker to the ground, I can't stand it. I cannot stand it anymore. I'm just so sick of this. Fuck off to another planet. You don't belong here, you corporate facists. You are the opposite of what we need. I can't stand it anymore.
8.
Numb 03:50
I wish... I wish I couldn't feel anymore. I wanna numb my emotions. I wish I couldn't feel anymore. Just make me a fucking robot. I can't deal with all the anxiety, I can't deal with all the depression. I hate thinking everything's my fault, I hate thinking that I'm a burden. I wish I couldn't feel anymore. I just wanna get on with my life. I can't feed my irrationalities. Well everything's going great, I got a roof over my head, a stable job, a loving boyfriend, a family that cares; but my stupid fucking mind don't give a shit, and I've just fucking had it. I wish I couldn't feel anymore. I wanna numb my emotions.
9.
Mirage 06:56
10.
Isn't it ironic... That a community that has been oppressed for years oppresses minorities within the community. Racism, it's often seen not hidden. No blacks, No asians, that's what they say. How can you act like this, when people have shunned you from basic civil rights? How are we supposed to feel welcome, when you exlcude so many others, when you judge them harshly. Your elder queers did not fight for your right to exclude. Harsh judgement, it's like you're punk elitists. You gotta listen to this, watch that, dress like this, drink that - and on and on. You say I'm not one of you, because of my differing tastes. Because I'm different. How are we supposed to feel welcome, when you exclude so many others, when you judge them harshly. Your elder queers did not fight for your right to exclude. This community is supposed to be a safe haven, for those of us who identify as LGBT. But there you lot are, pushing some of us away because of our race or taste. How am I supposed to belong, when you I have to pass some asinine judgement test. You think it's all about reading and being a superior queen bitch, but that don't help no one. How are we supposed to feel welcome, when you exclude so many others, when you judge them harshly. Your elder queers did not fight for your right to exclude. I will fight for your rights, but you need to get it together.
11.
Endgame 04:08

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released December 21, 2016

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